catastrophe

"I know of no woman — virgin, mother, lesbian, married, celibate, whether she earns her keep as a..."

Thu, 04 Apr 2013 11:29:38 -0400

“I know of no woman — virgin, mother, lesbian, married, celibate, whether she earns her keep as a housewife, a cocktail waitress, or a scanner of brain waves — for whom the body is not a fundamental problem: its clouded meanings, its fertility, its desire, its so-called frigidity, its bloody speech, its silences, its changes and mutilations, its rapes and ripenings.”

- Adrienne Rich

Intentions for 2013

Tue, 01 Jan 2013 17:21:28 -0500

More creating, less consuming.
Strive for progress not perfection.
More doing, less thinking.
Listen to your body.
Feed yourself.
Practice saying No to others.
Cultivate skills, hobbies, self.
Body acceptance.
Clean space, clean mind.
Take risks (don’t let your fear of failure keep you down).
Listen to your wise mind.

rapcoloringbook: Click here to download the Jean Grae coloring...

Fri, 21 Dec 2012 12:12:47 -0500

rapcoloringbook:

Click here to download the Jean Grae coloring page. Print it out. Color it. Listen to this while you do so.

Rap Coloring Book on Twitter

1000cutethings: 468. Yoga Bear This Yoga Bear print by Marco...

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 00:49:39 -0500

1000cutethings:

468. Yoga Bear
This Yoga Bear print by Marco Angeles is cute.

1000cutethings: 471. Haruki Murakami Bingo The genius of Haruki...

Sat, 01 Dec 2012 00:48:08 -0500

1000cutethings:

471. Haruki Murakami Bingo
The genius of Haruki Murakami’s novels and the strange worlds within them is captured in a cute and potentially interactive idea: Bingo! Its creator, Grant Snider at Incidental Comics says he has read all of Murakami’s works (12 novels, three short stories, and a memoir).

1000cutethings: #668 Tiny Stormtrooper Carries Teddy Bear This...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:18:25 -0500

1000cutethings:

#668 Tiny Stormtrooper Carries Teddy Bear
This photo is called Baywatch or Trooperwatch, by Kristina Alexanderson, a still life photographer (her Flickr) who works with toys. Her favorite subjects are Stormtroopers and what their ordinary lives might be like.

1000cutethings: #695 Rolled-Up LIttle HedgehogHedgehogs are all...

Fri, 30 Nov 2012 23:15:13 -0500

1000cutethings:

#695 Rolled-Up LIttle Hedgehog
Hedgehogs are all so adorable. This particular one is named Gendo.

dream hampton: dreamy holiday gift ideas (from cool sources)

Sun, 18 Nov 2012 16:41:07 -0500

dream hampton: dreamy holiday gift ideas (from cool sources):

dreamhampton1:

The best scarves ever: http://yokoo.tumblr.com/ @Iamyokoo http://www.etsy.com/shop/Yokoo

Sinkmade body butters and oils, whipped together by a witchy scribe http://www.byemilyjayne.com/

Hoodies by a hoodie veteran: http://shop.thehoodieshop.com/

Visionary plastic…

explore-blog: 3D artist and motion designer JR...

Wed, 14 Nov 2012 15:26:43 -0500

explore-blog:

3D artist and motion designer JR Schmidt reconstructs New York City in LEGO using an assortment of maps and satellite imagery to set the elevation and color of the blocks. Best thing since Christoph Niemann’s I LEGO NY.

(↬ Coudal)

dope!

Administrators approach with Felicia damaging and ineffective.

Fri, 26 Oct 2012 06:50:16 -0400

Mediation is not an effective response to a student being bullied because it re-victimizes the target and puts him or her back into an unbalanced and emotionally vulnerable situation. The administrator needs to investigate the complaints and mete out consequences to the bullies when the story is corroborated! - @avivascully , school social worker.

‎”Felicia had reported the taunts to an administrator, who arranged mediation sessions between Felicia and the boys she said were harassing her. Police are now investigating her death. Neither they nor the Education Department nor the school would comment on the bullying allegations.” —- http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/26/nyregion/suicide-of-staten-island-girl-is-blamed-on-bullying.html?smid=fb-share&_r=0

"Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final."

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 12:45:34 -0400

“Let everything happen to you.
Beauty and terror.
Just keep going.
No feeling is final.”

- Rainer Maria Rilke (via Swanfeather Songs)

"Every girl is expected to have caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose,..."

Fri, 31 Aug 2012 00:48:57 -0400

“Every girl is expected to have caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall butt, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, and the arms of Michelle Obama. The only person close to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling.”

- Tina Fey

profblmkelley: Fear of a Misreading of History

Sat, 25 Aug 2012 16:34:22 -0400

profblmkelley: Fear of a Misreading of History:

profblmkelley:

Let me start by saying that I like the body of work that Ta-Nehisi Coates has produced over the past few years. I believe that he is one of the best writers of my generation, and I read him regularly because I want to see how I might strengthen my own craft. In particular, I admire the ways that…

#30in30 - Day 4

Fri, 10 Aug 2012 02:21:00 -0400

My writing process.

I keep writing blog posts and not finishing them.

I’ve noticed a few things. I tend to write novels. When things are too emotional, it’s hard to finish. I get nauseous, sad or anxious. However, it can be cathartic to keep working through and just finish. Once I put feelings on paper, I can let them go. It’s been a very healing process. Other times, I don’t have the courage or strength. I save it for another time. That’s okay too.

I feel a lot of pressure and I’m not really giving myself the time or space to follow through. I need to work on discipline. The story of my life. The goal: devoting ~~1 hour~~ 45 minutes to writing every day until I leave New York. When I return back to Chapel Hill, I can write for 1-2 hours daily. I’ll have time.

I would like to finish some of the posts I started. I would also like to finish some of the essays I’ve started and not finished. I have about 50 or so from the past 8 years on various hard drives. The more I read, the more I want to write. However, I have to give myself time to process what I’ve just read. It helps to bring a notebook with me everywhere. I hate typing notes on my phone.

Sometimes the words just flow. Other times it seems like each word takes so much effort to type a single word. I erase paragraphs. I erase sentences. I’m finding my voice. I really appreciate all of Nicole’s encouragement. She’s been such an amazing mentor/motivator for me the past few months.

#30in30 - Day 3

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 14:44:13 -0400

Andy

I met Andy at a party when I was twenty. When we talked, I heard music playing. I heard bells ringing and a beautiful symphony. It was magic or maybe all the PBR. I literally thought I was falling in love. He was so handsome. My [first] boyfriend was in Europe and I was going to Tanzania for the whole summer in a few days. Andy and I theorized about life. He was just so smart and so cute. An asshole. It seemed the first time that someone so attractive was into me. He spent the night. I had a boyfriend so I made him sleep on the other side of my bed. He got really angry. When his friend picked up in the morning, he was still so pissed. He knew my friend Michi. She warned me against him. Her taste is impeccable and I didn’t listen.

Years later, I see Andy again. He’s a bar back at my old watering hole. He’s still so cute and so charming. Those freckles. *swoon* We talked.

We start hanging out. I don’t even remember how it happened. I just know he met my best friends and introduced himself as my boyfriend. It was a week later. I’ve only had two boyfriends in my life: Josh and Elijah. I didn’t agree with him. I didn’t correct him either. I just kind of ran with it. I knew it was a little strange but he was just so cute. Those freckles. Those eyes. That height.

We had so much fun. We say movies outside. We went to shows at the Cradle. We climbed trees over the Eno River. I broke a branch and feel in. We laughed. We got lost in Hillsborough. We made out in cars. He also told me I was needed to lose weight and I that I looked like an American Apparel model. Not at the same time though.

He didn’t have any friends. He was our summer together. It had only been a few weeks. Every time he met my friends he got so weird. He later confessed he hated how many friends I had. He wanted it to be just us. He wanted us to build our lives together. He wanted so hard to be more than ordinary.

We hung out almost every day for a month or maybe 3 weeks or 5 weeks. I don’t really remember. It was May and June in 2007. We went out to meet my friend Lena. She had just got back from a trip. We took all these pictures together. We look so happy. This was all so new to me. He was trying to plan my birthday, 5 months away, with Lena.

We go back to his apartment. He tells me he read a book and now he has to break up with me.

I immediately ask him give me back to the adderall I gave him. It was my prescription for my ADHD. I’d given him some to help with his exams. He was still finishing his undergrad degree. He had dropped out for a while. He said he took it all. I knew he was lying. I told him it was impossible and that they were time-released.

I asked more about this book and why he needed to end this relationship that he had started.

He wouldn’t tell me the name of the book. He told me he was destined to be alone. That it was him against the world. Everyone was swimming with the waves and he was swimming against them. He wanted no part of my life. I already had so many friends and seemed so secure. There was no space for him. He was all alone. It was him against the world. I told him we all feel like that but when we’re 13. The Holden Caufield syndrome. We think no one understands us. We grow up and realize we’re not alone. He needed to grow up. I found him infuriating. Unfortunately, he was still so cute.

I wanted to leave his apartment. He insisted I stay. It was 3am. I was in a tight dress and heels. He had picked me up. I didn’t have my car. I couldn’t sleep. I went to the couch. I waited until the sun came out. I waited for him to go to bed. I looked at his desk. I saw the adderall that I’d gifted him: the adderall he claimed to have taken. I took it back. Put on my shoes and walked home.

I’d continue to run into him for years. He would tell me his plans of getting his PhD in chemistry. He said he set the curve in his Calculus classes. My friend worked in academic advising. He came into see her. He didn’t recognize her. She told me he was failing all his classes.

#30in30 - Day 2

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 23:22:31 -0400

“Stop being so hard on yourself.” I keep hearing this over and over again. I know it’s true. When you’re prone to depression, it’s easy to fall into a cycle of self-harm and degradation. It takes work to stay on the path: the path towards healthy living and compassion towards self and others.

Recently, really for a while, I haven’t been kind to myself. I’ve been my worst enemy. My thoughts have been particularly discouraging and harsh.

I can’t do this. I’m a bad friend. What’s wrong with you? You give up on everything. You’re so disgusting. You’re fat. You drink too much. You’re a slut. You’re a slob. You’re a failure.

The abuse has been tremendous. It creates a cycle. It seems impossible to stop. I know this isn’t true. I remember when I was at this point before and chose an alternative route.

I’m going to be less hard on myself and approach my self with loving-kindness. It’s a moment-to-moment choice. It’s a daily practice. I believe in training with slogans. I’m in the process of retraining my mind and to replace the harsh tone with understanding and motivation.

I wrote this as a reminder to myself several years ago.

This moment, you choose not to self-destruct. You end the cycle. You pick up and move forward. Leave the baggage behind. Trust in your competencies. Failures are lessons. Learn from mistakes. Do not obsess. Do not feel guilty. Address, correct, come to peace and move on.

I’m learning to be a good friend to myself. I’m giving myself room to be imperfect. Human.

#30in30 - Day 1

Thu, 02 Aug 2012 14:40:59 -0400

“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.” – Pema Chodron

I’ve never blogged. I set up a blog 2 years ago with the intention to put up stories, essays and posts. It’s yet to happen. One story is on this wordpress site. It’s rife with mistakes and only half-way finished. I wanted to put it up before I chickened out. So it remains.

This month is the perfect time to start writing and sharing. I’m funemployed. I have all the free time in the world [to nap and drink]. I’m about to move from Brooklyn back to North Carolina.

I’m broke. I’m dealing with various levels of anxiety and stress. Old roommates, moving, finding a job, moving back in with my parents (every almost 29 year old’s dream), hospital bills without insurance, filing for unemployment insurance, finding affordable health care and mental health care. I’m also broke.

In my old therapist’s office, there was a poster with the Chinese word for crisis. It read that the Chinese word for crisis is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other opportunity. It’s apparently a poor translation that’s been co-opted by the new age and motivational speaker communities. However, I like the metaphor. I’m at a point of crisis. There is danger. There is also opportunity. I look forward to the latter.

I’m at a point in my life where I can chart my own course. There is time to start over and rebuild. Time to start new habits, go on new adventures and create new approaches to dealing with problems. Finding solutions and methods I already know but have been dormant. I’m going to awaken that wisdom.

I wonder what #30in30 will bring. I would like to write essays and stories or just document my writing process. I’ve always dreamed of writing essays: astute cultural critiques filed with history and my personal story. I write essays a lot. I never share them. It’s more about having goal and accomplishing it. I hope my writing improves. I hope to share and to grow.

I’m scared. Scared that my writing is poor. Scared that no one will read what I write. I’m more scared that people will read it and dismiss it. I’m trying to conquer my fears.

Who else is doing #30in30? What are your goals?

Photo

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 21:45:00 -0400

"We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we..."

Mon, 30 Jul 2012 19:12:56 -0400

“We already have everything we need.
There is no need for self-improvement.
All these trips that we lay on ourselves—the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds—never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.”

- Pema Chodron

dream hampton: Thank You Frank

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 21:37:49 -0400

dream hampton: Thank You Frank:

dreamhampton1:

Thank You Frank Ocean. It’s true, we are a lot alike… “spinning on blackness. All wanting to be seen, touched, heard, paid attention to.” In your opening few lines, you simultaneously established your humanity, a burden far too often asked of same sex lovers, and acknowledged that in this age…